They called me "Grandma"

"Yes Grandma", B said with a smile.

Back then, my friends called me Grandma. I didn't like hearing it, because it made me feel old. You know, Grandmothers are usually old, but I didn't relate it properly to myself. Of course I wasn't old, and I certainly didn't look old!

Today when I think back, I know why I was called that. I gave serious advises and encouragements!
I'm one to advise and encourage people a lot and honestly, I don't know where I get my words or energy from, but I'm good at it sometimes, and maybe oft times not. But I've advised and encouraged in the past, still advise and encourage in the present and will continue to advise and encourage in the future.

Actually, scratch that bit. I know where the energy and words come from, at least now I know. Anyway, sometimes I wish the way I am in some people's lives, that others will also be that way to me.(Not that some aren't like that though)
Remain positive and optimistic even when there seems to be no way, remembering that no matter how hard, cruel, sad and annoying things may be, there's always a reason for it all.

Being the caretaker over many years now, I've realized I don't know how to be taken care of. It's hard and it's somewhat weird when I think of it. I don't have so many people to talk to, because I know that people go through problems of their own, and for others, I get the wrongest words ever; at least words that are not even related to my concern(I'm not talking about advise from elders though).

It's easy for me to say 'Things will be fine'
It's easy for me to say 'God is in control'
It's easy for me to say 'Congratulations!'
It's easy for me to say 'I'm so happy for you :)'

<----Those statements aren't easy because they are just statements combined by words, but because that's how I really feel for whatever the occasion. Even with those that offend me, I still rejoice in their success and mourn for their downfalls. I believe it's the way God has made me, and I also believe that many are this way, which is a good thing!

"Is it good to care about others more than you care about yourself?"
I really don't know the answer to that question, because in some ways it's good and some, not so good. If I don't take care of myself, how will I care for others?

"You shall love your neighbor as yourself" <---- I try, I honestly really do, but sometimes my love is returned with

a)Lust( a few guys and I'm not even joking)
b)Envy
c)Hatred
d) A word not even found in the dictionary

So what do I do? I'm not a Saint and I don't know it all. I don't even want to know it all, that's boring.

We ask God for wisdom and guidance everyday and for Him to take the lead in all areas of our lives. I want you to know that in many cases, God presents a physical person in His stead for us, and it's up to us to follow His Lead. It's not always hard for me to know there's something troubling a friend, or just a mere acquaintance, and it's not always easy to have the right words to say, but one thing I always pray for is that my words will bless them along the way. It's happened so many times with some people I know, and they thanked me even when I didn't know what I did.

I'm not as strong as you think but my energy regenerates from various directions.

They called me "Grandma", but I'm not sure how much longer I can be just that, but with God by my side, I shall keep having strength and will. I need more Grandmas in my life, the ones that are God sent. I'll keep praying.

...
~Al